Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
