I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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