I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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