dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
