I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
