Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
