Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
