Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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