end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize