I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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