I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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