I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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