she woke up with a sticky ear
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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