dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
