Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
