I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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