I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
