I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
