Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
