when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
