so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
