My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
