R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
