im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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