Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
