I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
