thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize