I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
