please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
