I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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