The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
