I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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