I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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