You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
