didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize