We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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