I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
