at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
