are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
