Non-Jews are for practice
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
