Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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