i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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