I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
