Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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