There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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