don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
