If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
