do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
