Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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