Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
