I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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