Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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