Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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