dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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