that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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