if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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