just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
