Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
