You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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