Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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