Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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