I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
