You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
