She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
