Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
