I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
