u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
